Posts from the ‘General’ Category

Rabbi Ilan Haber

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

Why We Should Stop Measuring Success: A Contrarian’s Perspective

It is no surprise that one of the key questions regarding the state of kiruv, and thus addressed in the past issue of Klal Perspectives (Fall 2012), revolves around its measures of success.  The notion of measuring success is quite in vogue, not only within the kiruv movement, but also within the entire sphere of non-profit endeavor. The term is taken from the annals of corporate experience, from which many of the key donors and supporters of kiruv hail. In a for-profit environment, corporations are expected to have key measures of their own growth or success as a means of focusing their efforts creating better efficiencies and achieving profitability. This is true whether the measures are net profit, in the classic sense, or units sold, profit margin, stores per square mile, etc. However, the use of measures of success within a non-profit environment, though emerging from the best of intentions as evidenced in the kiruv enterprise, is often distracting, irrelevant, and at times, counter-productive.

Although the care with which a kiruv organization measures success is often taken as evidence of its strategic clarity, in my experience it is anything but. Recently, I interviewed an individual who was applying for an outreach position, and was asked, “What were my three measures of success?” Though I do not quite know where the number three came from, my response was that I arrive at the question from a completely different standpoint. The issue, as I see it in my own organization, and as I recommend that other organizations view it, is not “what are my measures of success?” but “how do we better accomplish our mission?”

For me, evaluation must be a learning process that helps me plan and prepare better for the future. It should enable me to understand, with complexity, what it is that I am actually doing, what I am willing to be accountable for, how we ensure that we continue to do what we do well, and how we improve upon our work.  It is the starting point of a conversation, not the end of one.  It is part of a process that is rooted in a fundamental, unsentimental, and brutal commitment towards excellence. Its philosophical underpinnings is “cheshbon hanefesh” (self-evaluation), but as applied to an organizational context. In cheshbon hanefesh, we examine who we are, what are we engaged in, if our endeavors are worthwhile or fruitful, what challenges are endangering our progress, etc.  We may keep track of our mitzvot and aveirot, not as a quantitative accounting and scorecard to see for ourselves or to prove to others whether or not we are a tzaddik, but as symptoms of more pervasive and fundamental progress.

Measuring success gives us an answer, but I would much rather have a series of questions. To understand better, I suggest we look at the following example. In team sports, let’s say football, there is inevitably a winner and loser, as well as a quantitative measure of success, otherwise known as the score. However, knowing that one team defeated the other by a score of 38 to 35, while giving us a quantitative measure of success, reveals nothing about how the team should prepare for the next game. It does not tell us why one team scored 38 points and the other 35. Did the special teams play well? How were the teams coached? Did home field advantage or the weather play a role? What is the morale in the locker room? Was the game plan prepared and then executed effectively? These are the questions that, when asked, measured, and in turn addressed, enable a team to more effectively meet future challenges.  In the end, the final score is actually irrelevant except to fans and statisticians. When focused on broadly and effectively measuring and noting “process” as opposed to “product,” one is able to put one’s evaluation into action in order to perform better.

Of course, this assumes that one is actually capable of arriving at a clear, quantitative measure that is directly caused by or at least correlated with or one’s efforts. Outside of laboratory conditions – in other words, in any social and open environment – it is almost impossible reliably to assess how a particular outcome was affected by a particular set of actions. There are simply too many variables to be accounted for.

For example, let’s say that a specific person did in fact become Shomer Shabbat, and that person was indeed proactively approached and engaged by a mekarev (kiruv professional). Who is to say that the actions of the mekarev made the difference? What was the role of the baal teshuva’s upbringing? What is his or her mental state? Were there other people that interacted with the baal teshuva, influencing and encouraging his or her actions? What was the role of community? Did the spouse of the mekarev play a role? And on and on… If this is true for each individual person counted on a spreadsheet as a measure of success, the reliability of such measures becomes extremely suspect when multiplied by many such individuals. As an aggregate, such numbers, if not rooted in careful process evaluation that addresses or at least accounts for each of the mitigating factors, are extremely suspect, tend to be misleading and are ultimately unusable as a planning tool for the future. Investors know this phenomenon as “past results do not guarantee future performance.” Pushing mekarvim to focus on and produce results, which are then utilized to measure their success, can have at the very least unintended negative consequences that accompany the positive, and at worst, can compromise the entire endeavor of the mekarev.

In the past issue of Klal Perspectives, Rabbi Shaya Karlinsky astutely pointed out that single-mindedly focusing on the ends in kiruv, as opposed to, or sometimes at the expense of, the means, can often have tragic or catastrophic consequences. He articulates that the entire crisis enterprise and emphasis on quantitative results encourages the mekarev to focus on bringing in new “customers” at the expense of “customer service.”  I do not know of any kiruv organization that measures how many students are turned off, or taught to have disdain for Torah and frumkeit, due to overly aggressive tactics.

Moreover, instilling fear and urgency in the activities of the mekarev through correlating their job security with their quantitative success, as if their own commitment to mesirut nefesh (self sacrifice) is not sufficient, encourages them to be dishonest in their reporting.  If one is worried that they are not working hard enough, then hire better. Or at the very least, utilize supervision, personnel evaluation, and professional development as tools for motivation and performance that are more effective than simply measuring their success.

The focus on quantitative measures of success is actually symptomatic of a much deeper malaise in Jewish communal service. We are so starved for any information that helps us understand our environment and context that we are prone to seize upon any data and utilize it ineffectively. Any study that comes out is immediately digested, without any critical review or context, and utilized to affirm what we do, or to make changes in our approach. Social Science research, no matter how worthwhile, is going to have a specific context, its own share of methodological flaws (there are no foolproof evaluation techniques), and is typically going to provide us with but a momentary glimpse – a snapshot in time – of complex and dynamic sociological phenomena.

Rabbi Zale Newman

While an inordinate amount of resources, in terms of money and manpower, have been spent on college outreach, this is after the ideal time to reach out and it is very far from being the most cost effective means of providing return on investment for the kiruv dollar. It is, however, more “sexy” to work on campus, with its intellectual environment and with the trappings of a mature adult centre of activity. Thus, it is far easier to raise funds for college programming and to recruit outreach workers for this age group, even though it is not the mosteffective time or place to do kiruv. It is for the most part, too late for many young people.

Lesson # 3: The Only Kiruv Tools that REALLY Work are the Shabbos Experience, Relevant Torah Study and Acts of Kindness

After trying many approaches over the years and witnessing others try their various approaches, I believe that BY FAR, the most effective tools to touch and bring in unaffiliated Jews are the Shabbos experience (whether it be with a family or in a group environment at a shabbaton), relevant, meaningful Torah study and acts of kindness. These three experiences can be designed and marketed in a myriad of ways, but I believe these to be the only ways to successfully touch a Jew’s neshama.

Lesson # 4: Women are the Key “Drivers” to Kiruv Success

At every age and in every environment, I have found that women are the key “drivers” of kiruv. Chazal teach that “mishum nashim tzidkonios nig’alu Bnei Yisroel miMitzrayim” (it was because of righteous women that the People of Israel were redeemed from Egypt), and since the final redemption is meant to mirror the experience of the first,[1] it should come as no surprise that it is easier to reach women and use them as a catalyst for further change within our people, than it is to reach men.

Aside from their additional openness to spirituality, there are some technical reasons why this is so. According to marketing guru Faith Popcorn in her bestselling book on marketing to women entitled “Eve-olution,” women gravitate to group activities. Her rule states that “if you connect women to each other they will be connected to your brand.” So if we can create group programs wherein women can connect to each other (as Lori Palatnik does in the JWRP, for example), they will be naturally more receptive to the Torah we teach.

I have found this to be true for NCSY, Aish HaTorah, Chabad and at the Village Shul in Toronto. Women’s attendance at the shul learning programs tends to exceed men’s attendance by almost 10 to 1. One reason for this is the “yuppie” demographic we encounter. Yuppie men work long hours and play for long hours ( e.g. a typical golf game takes 7 hours, from the time he leaves home until he arrives at the course, plays 18 holes, shmoozes with his buddies at the “19th hole” and then returns home). They simply have little time and headspace to consider religious matters.

Women on the other hand, tend to have more discretionary time, and additionally, bear the primary responsibility to raise the children. The family is in their hands. As a result, they are more driven to deal with issues of transmission of values, and they have the time to investigate what Judaism has to offer them and their families. Reach them and you will reach their husbands and children.

Lesson # 5: We Need Many More Women Outreach Kiruv Professionals

It is my contention, having taught primarily women students for the past 30 years at Aish HaTorah and the Village Shul, that women can teach and reach other women better than men. And while this is in line with most people’s intuition, it is worth noting how few Jewish women’s schools are actually headed by women.

Women are rarely trained to do kiruv. As they marry and raise families, they have less time available to work in the kiruv movement, especially when kiruv often involves many evenings of teaching.

And since far more than 50% of the unaffiliated population likely to attend a kiruv program are women, it is critical that we train women to teach and reach other women. At the Village Shul we employ four women teachers aside from the five teaching rabbis. This is a profession waiting to happen. We just need to train more women kiruv professionals, do more daytime programming, offer babysitting services when necessary and provide lots of part time employment opportunities for women kiruv professionals[2].

Lesson # 6: Enact “3-C” Programming

Attracting students, increasing their level of attendance and enabling them to grow Jewishly requires a sophisticated, strategic approach to kiruv. To this end, we identified three types of programming for use in NCSY. We referred to these as “the 3 C’s.” These refer to the objectives of various kiruv programs. The three C’s are the “Circle, the Core and the Crown.”

The goal of “Circle” programming is to bring members of the target audience into the circle by encouraging them to TRY a program for the first time. In high school programming, this might be a basketball league or a “Battle of the Bands.” In college, it might be a Purim party. In adult programming, it could be a Jewish film festival. Marketing professionals call this “trial” programming.

The goal of “Core” programming is to bring them into the center of the circle by having them attend events at least six or more times. The best example of this in high school programming is Torah High – a program that a student registers to attend 30 times in order to get high school or college credit. In adult programming, this would require attending a series of classes. In marketing, this is referred to as “repeat” programming.

Lastly, the goal of “Crown” programming is to move the student forward in terms of Torah study and mitzvah observance. The results of all of these programs should be measured for success and should be compared to other programs in order to indicate which were the most successful.

Overall, kiruv professionals need to move out of the mode of teaching small classes and hosting small Shabbos meal events to sophisticated marketing and strategic planning approaches. in a certain manner of speaking, we are “selling” Torah and a time-tested and authentic Torah lifestyle. There is much we can learn from successful marketers about how to utilize tools such as social marketing and referral selling and to adapt them for kiruv purposes.

Lesson # 7: The Biggest Opportunity: Turn EVERY frum shul into an Outreach Center

There are more than 1,000 frum shuls in North America. This represents billions of dollars of real estate, almost a million Torah-schooled individuals, tens of thousands of families, thousands of staff members and millions upon millions of dollars that could be contributed by those who belong to the shuls.

It is indeed a painful sight to see that most of these buildings are empty during most of the six days of the week. Most of shul membership is concerned primarily about the welfare of their own families and they lack a broader “Klal Yisroel” outlook.

In the meantime, the streets surrounding these shuls are filled with unaffiliated, not-yet-observant, largely uneducated Jews, many of whom are genuinely interested in Judaism. And thus far, in most cases, “never the twain shall meet.” So how do we bridge the gap between the frum shul members and those unaffiliated Jews who live nearby?

The answer appears to be relatively simple and absolutely plausible. We need a handful of shuls to serve as test sites to determine how best to replicate the success of outreach shuls like the Village Shul in Toronto, Ahavas Yisroel in Denver and the MJE at the Jewish Centre in Manhattan by establishing an outreach unit within their existing Orthodox shuls. If shuls can allocate some comparatively modest resources to hire a dynamic, young, energetic kiruv rabbi and rebbitzin and to provide them with some funding for programming, space in which to operate and a small group of supportive shul members to work as kiruv volunteers, their shul would be filled with a new dynamism, providing MANY additional benefits, both measurable and immeasurable. Aside from attracting additional attendees, many of whom will become new members of the shul, meaningful, explanatory programs such as beginners services can benefit many existing members as well as the new recruits. By learning how to reach out to new recruits by becoming host families, Partners in Torah, mentors and chesed ambassadors, the existing shul membership will increase its own level of spirituality and dedication. The lives of their members will be filled with considerably more meaning and purpose. The shul will move from being largely a self-centered “club” toward becoming an inspired, outreach oriented, Klal Yisroel focused “lightbulb” for its community. And this is truly a “win, win, win” situation for the givers, the receivers and Avinu shebashomayim (our Father in Heaven).

This requires outreach, visionary rabbis and a few understanding, supportive balabatim. Help is available from The National Jewish Outreach Program (NJOP), AJOP and the existing outreach shuls. Outreach and inspirational programming is available from YU, Aish HaTorah, Gateways, Chabad HQ, NCSY and other skilled and experienced outreach programs in North America and Israel.

Of course, a shul which was indeed very successful in this outreach endeavor could eventually bring a small kiruv kollel within the shul, which would provide “inreach” programming to existing members as well as “outreach” programming to the unaffiliated. The House of Jacob Mikveh Israel shul in Calgary is one such example of how an in-house kollel impacts the existing shul membership.

Additionally, part time outreach rabbis, rebbitzins and teachers can enhance the programs being delivered by the existing shul Rabbi and Rebbitzin. For example, the Village Shul has approximately 250 family members, yet it has five male teachers and four female teachers, of which only two are full-time employees. In most communities, paid, part-time teachers and volunteer teachers and chevrusas are readily available, and the part time, paid positions are very affordable.

Lesson # 8. Heart to Heart Works Best

After four decades in the field, some as a kiruv professional and consultant and most as a volunteer rabbi, teacher, board member, program creator and speaker, Rav Moshe Ibn Ezra’s words ring loudly and clearly: “Dvorim ha-yotzim min ha-leiv, nichnosim el ha-leiv.” It’s all about heart – the heart to listen, to care, to extend a helping hand, to say a kind word, to offer a timely piece of advice, the heart to be a rodef sholom, a shochain tov, or a chevrusa or mentor (pursuer of peace, good neighbor or learning partner), the heart to be cognizant of making a kiddush Hashem and the heart to view other Jews as part of one’s own family.

I believe in the Jewish People and I believe in the “ner Hashem” (“candle of G-d,” referring to the soul) that G-d put inside every Jew to illuminate their existence. It is only a matter of stepping outside of our own “daled amos” (personal space) and recognizing the need to reach out with confidence in our potential., We can then join the ranks of those who fulfill the crucial mitzvah of “lelameid” alongside the mitzvah “lilmod” (to teach as well as to learn).

May Hashem bless all of your endeavors in this arena with success beyond that which you ever imagined possible.

Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

The Outer Limits – A Risk-Management Model for Outreach Programs

My thinking about competency among kiruv professionals has followed a different trajectory than that of many in the outreach field. A great deal of my clinical consultation involves forensic and diagnostic work when a large range of individuals, in many fields and professions, get into trouble. Professionals who “get into trouble” may have been implicated in financial crimes, in other criminal behavior, in interpersonal violations of other’s rights and privacy, or in malpractice. They are referred for evaluation so that the courts, or a professional association, or a licensing board, or a law enforcement agency, can make some determination as to their need for rehabilitation, for censure, or the pointlessness of attempting to rehabilitate such individuals.

Sadly, none of the helping professions, whether in the secular fields or in klal work, including professional outreach, is entirely immune to these difficulties. Some of the clinical concerns are not exclusive to kiruv workers, for they can often apply to rabbonim, teachers, camp counselors, and administrators. In some cases, however, independent kiruv workers wield more control and influence over people who look up to them – with fewer checks and balances – than other community professionals. Accordingly, I have consulted and performed consultative evaluations on many who may have engaged in or even excelled in their work in kiruv yet whose practices cast question as to their integrity and to the safety of those with whom they plied their outreach techniques. I preface that I have also provided enrichment workshops and consultation for a wide range of professional outreach organizations, and have trained and supervised a large majority who are wholesome, healthy in motivation and in preparedness for this avodas ha’kodesh. I view them and their efforts as very professional in promoting mental hygiene along with spiritual ascendancy. It is not about this admirable majority that I write. It is not even to this group that I offer my thoughts. If anything, a great deal of my thinking is the product of a very positive psychological appraisal of how much good work can be done for our people through the many talented individuals who devote spirit and energy to this sacred form of helping. Because of my professional scope, however, I have contrasted this remarkable potential with that which lurks in the underside, or that pathological dimension with whom I also work. This article is decidedly not a criticism of the exceptional programs and their gifted professionals. Rather, I present this considered and respectful view to those who select and oversee those who commit to a career of kiruv. In our era when liability and morality issues are at the forefront of our awareness – and rightfully so – in the human services, it seems valuable to consider the extremes and the fringes of human folly so that each of us maintain sight of the goals of our work with those who turn to us. Whether as doctors, as therapists, as clergy, as employers, as teachers or as outreach professionals, each of us aims to abide by a standard of care and a standard of competence for the welfare of others and for the reputation of our respective fields. It is my hope that the thoughts which follow will support the quality and uphold the integrity of Torah outreach.

Consider the demands facing a person who seeks to market Judaism or Torah to the masses, or to select individuals:

• An Orthodox outreach professional must speak the lingua franca of his or her target audience, yet must also speak a more lofty language which represents knowledge of Torah and of its ways. Behavior is language, and an Orthodox outreach professional must also conform to a halachic standard of personal and interpersonal behaviors, so as to communicate an inspiring example of the integrity which is inseparable from a Torah framework of living.
• Kiruv professionals are in a position of authority. Authority corrupts or at least goes to the head, infusing the ego with vague feelings of omnipotence. That is, being in charge or being an exemplar means that people look up to their leader and attribute to him/her an almost majestic sense that this rabbi or rebbetzin or youth leader knows what he or she is doing and must be obeyed.
• Kiruv involves relationships. A relationship can only be as healthy and stable as the people who engage in an interaction. That means that one who seeks to engage in a power-differentiated relationship such as outreach needs to be comfortable as the holder of personal confidences, must be at ease with those who may be of different age, gender and/or level of maturity, and must be able to have his/her personal needs met without exploiting those who depend on him/her for guidance. Much like those of us who are mental health professionals, an outreach professional is acquainted with the reality of transference (other people’s projections about the professional’s grandeur, conflicts and personal life) and is also in tune with their own potential for countertransference (placing their own needs and conflicts above the needs and rights of those who are dependent on them).

K’shem sh’ain partzufosaihem shavin zeh la’zeh kach ain daa’tan shaveh. Our sages remind us that people have, or take on, different styles in the ways in which they orient to their tasks. There are some highly successful outreach professionals who emanate a sense of personal piety which is magnetic for those who turn to them. There are others equally competent yet who meet others on their own turf, bringing Torah down to, say, the college campus or to the public school or to a place of business where others might be inspired by the “down-to-earth” manner of the lunch-and-learn program and the like. There are others who win over souls through encouraging their students to make fairly rapid changes, such as a trip to Israel, time in a seminary or yeshiva, or other reshuffling of lifestyle in order to adopt a Torah persona or at least to try it on for size. The kiruv process is in all cases a matter of facilitating change, whether the kiruv professional models a modus vivendi to raise the bar and aspiration of their student, whether he/she models an approach which demands less overt reconfiguration of their student, or whether the professional is actually a catalyst to get the student up and running with a new set of overt behaviors in the hope that this will lead to more meaningful internal changes as well.

It is not possible to determine whether one style is more or less effective, or whether those effects endure over time. It is probably accurate to posit that some styles are effective in attracting some people and others draw another type of person. I reflect on my own youth when I was privileged to study under the great Gaon Rav Simcha Wasserman zt’l. My rosh yeshiva – according to the epitaph on his matzeiva on Har HaMenuchos and according to many in the Torah world – was perhaps the founder and instigating force among the gedolim of the last generation of what became the Teshuva Movement.

In my day, on the West Coast, there were people whose introduction to Torah took place in San Francisco at the House of Love and Prayer. Of those who tasted the Torah and hungered for more, we observed three groups. There were those who found their way down the coast to Los Angeles and entered our yeshiva. Rav Wasserman had us work slowly with these people, infusing them with learning Torah li’shma rather than emphasizing practical halacha or overt changes right away. They slowly shed their bohemian garb and ways and today, there are many who live Torah lives, some being quite accomplished in doing so. There was a second group who made their way to Chabad or to other Chassidic movements – many with the encouragement of Rav Wasserman – rapidly donning a different garb and overt appearance as they reached for a vision of living a very different lifestyle. There were still others who stayed put, content to live by their sense of what they deemed spiritual and good, perhaps seeking a philosophy rather than a religion. Nahara nahara u’pashtae. If it works, do it. Do it by working at it.

What seems clear to me is that when an outreach professional considers a style or approach, he/she needs to be honest. Is the approach based on a careful appraisal of what is needed in that particular position and with that particular population? What is the true motivation to spend time in a different environment with people who live different lifestyles? Is the challenge one which I am capable of, or is it an indirect way of being able to compromise the values which I struggle with under the guise of needing to be on the same wave length as my students? Lot left the outreach camp of Avraham because the standards were too high. He brought some of those standards to Sdom, where he was enough of a moral authority to be appointed an elder judge by the locals. Nonetheless, the cracks in his own morality ultimately brought him down, forcing the question of whether he really was in a place ripe for kiruv and whether he was the man for the job. Rav Chaim Volozhin came running in to the Gaon of Vilna, breathless with enthusiasm, about moving to Volozhin in order to establish a place of Torah for its unlearned residents. The Gaon summarily dismissed him. Some while later, he approached his rebbe again and asked if he could discuss the original project, and the Gaon approved it on the spot. He explained that his earlier refusal to support the project was because Rav Chaim had seemed rushed and too inspired. That does not always bode well when sincerity and level-headedness is required for bringing about durable change. Rav Yisroel Salanter, who by some accounts may have been the Gaon haDor in learning capacity in his time, brought musar to the masses, including time in the wilds of Paris. He did not lower his personal standards during that sojourn, and inspired some others. In my opinion, an aspiring outreach professional needs to start with a self-appraisal of motivations, of personal conflicts or struggles, of current stability and life satisfaction, and then determine whether he/she is ready to embark on this challenging process, whether he/she understands the demands of the target population and whether he/she is a good fit for the particular locale and its program.

In consulting with, or in consulting about, or in having to provide consultation for, outreach professionals in crisis, a number of clinical concerns tend to surface. These concerns are by no means ubiquitous. Those who dedicate their professional life to bringing others closer to Torah generally operate within a framework of halacha, and are role models for their community. They are receptive to professional guidance, they exercise responsible (and caring) judgment with their students, and blaze trails across frontiers where Orthodox Judaism was once unknown. In providing forensic and clinical consultation to organizations, synagogue and programs which have employed that minority of individuals whose judgment has gone wrong, the patterns of concern cover a small spectrum.

The most common categories of personal and interpersonal conflict are:

• Immaturity
• Poor impulse control
• Sexual acting out
• Dishonesty
• Drug or substance use/abuse
• Hypocritical religious standards
• Anger mismanagement
• Aging and burnout
• Identity crisis

I will now devote a paragraph, embellishing my observations, to each of these areas.

Immaturity issues often involve functioning at a lower level of psychosocial sophistication than one’s kiruv population. An outreach worker who has left the framework of a yeshiva or seminary without preparation for the realities of a secular environment may be unequipped to relate to the needs and interests of his/her prospective students. This poor psychosocial fit can engender low confidence, compensatory reckless decision making and faulty judgment, and being more influenced by one’s surroundings than being able to offer positive influence. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in one of his lesser known novels (The White Company) tells the tale of a young priest who leaves the monastery to fight a war and becomes infatuated both with the women he meets and with the mercenary soldiers around him. These are new enticements, tugging on parts of his provincial mind which he barely understood. He struggles valiantly with two battles – one against an actual enemy force, and one against an inner enemy of naiveté and heretofore suppressed emotions which emerge as he is challenged by a new social reality. The kiruv worker who is unprepared for a world where baser interests are in vogue may be overwhelmed and may not be initially equipped to establish his or her footing.

Outreach brings its stresses: fund raising, event planning, difficult people… Maintaining composure amidst such demands is a challenge. Poor tolerance for stress often means the urge to seek impulse– outlets. Outreach professionals who lack self-awareness, the capacity for insight, the ability to seek counsel and guidance, and other resources for self-care, are at risk for acting out, whether with addictive practices or with sudden changes of disposition and mood.

Recent times have brought great dismay to the Torah world when rabbis or those in positions of religious authority fail in the area of sexual misconduct. Whether with teens, with prospective converts, with those who seek counseling or those who are rather innocent bystanders, the crossing of personal boundaries and violation of others is often a display of the grandiosity and omnipotence which at times excite the person with the power. While more cases of male acting out (with female or with male victims) get reported or hit the press, there also is a significant degree of sexual exploitation among women who are in positions of authority in the Torah community. Those who are inadequately prepared and educated about their sexuality, and about ethical standards expected of authority figures, can be lured by the wiles of their own perceived glamour and can misread the adulation given to them by students under their care.

There is a joke that a “crooked lawyer” once declared that “honesty is the second best policy.” There are times when an outreach professional may be entrusted with responsibilities which presuppose his or her integrity and honesty. Organization expense accounts, credit cards, access to charitable donations and untraceable cash, and other situations, which have led the Shulchan Aruch to proscribe absolute unilateral control of communal or sacred funds without accountability, may challenge one’s judgment. Additionally, an outreach professional may be entrusted with secrets, with highly sensitive personal or community information, and with delicate disclosures. We can use the analogy of a doctor, a therapist or a clergy person and note that issues such as privileged information, breach of confidentiality, duty to warn, and duty to report are all realities which must be considered at ethical and at legal levels when holding someone else’s secrets. One who works in outreach also encounters situations where there can be a temptation to reveal a secret, or a temptation not to reveal a problem which must be dealt with. It is important to be familiar with the appropriate path to follow when in such a situation, and to seek supervision therein.

There was a sad “joke” among Russian Jews a century ago: when the Cossacks are sad, they get drunk and go kill Jews. When the Cossacks are happy, they get drunk then go kill Jews. Among some segments of our communities, when we are in a celebratory mood, we make a “l’chaiim.” When we are stressed, we make a “l’chaiim” too. Whether dealing with high school students or with college or adult groups, the use of alcohol to create an atmosphere, to break past inhibitions so that people can share and open up, or to celebrate one or another oneg or simcha event can seem like a natural and even a traditional means of bonding. It is a facilitator of “kiruv.” There is a reliable anecdote about a famous country-western singer who was at a party with one of our recent presidents. He offered the president a Cuban cigar but the commander in chief reprimanded him, saying that it is illegal to trade with Cuba and smoking contraband is a means of abetting an enemy nation. The singer quipped, “Mr. President – we ain’t supportin’ the Cubans. We’re burning our enemy’s fields!” Call it what you want, but using an outreach opportunity as an excuse to get high or drunk may send a message which confuses those persons we are seeking to inspire. Showing students that you can be a frum person and still smoke pot is not cool. It may also involve legal misconduct. Many err in assuming that when Chazal proclaim “nichnas yayin yatza sod”, they are saying the same thing as “in vino veritas” – that truths emerge through drinking wine. Rather than this being a rabbinic aphorism, however, it is actually a halachic indictment. The “sod” in the saying is not “secrets” or “truths” but rather the right and the ability of a judge or judges to have the presence of mind to think clearly and to participate in a tribunal. “Sod” is contraindicated by intoxication. With an esteemed outreach professional, there is a negative correlation between frequency of inebriation and perceived respectability.

Hypocrisy is ubiquitous. I often tell people that we are all, in our own way, members of the “612 Club.” Each of us has our personal peccadillo which we justify somehow. There is that area of observance that we are just not so careful about, or feel is somehow not relevant or applicable. As a clinical psychologist and as a forensic expert, I am no stranger to hearing of people’s hypocrisies. In my field, we learn to expect them and anticipate hearing about what lurks beneath the life of a person in trouble. When an individual harbors a personal secret, it is going to leak out. We cannot get around that. There is an axiom in the field called “criminal parapraxis” – when a person is guilty of something and covers it up, he will slip up and someone will catch on to what he is up to. To paraphrase another adage – “the bigger they are, the harder it is for others when they fall.” When those who turn to you for support and guidance discover that you are struggling with your own demons, or with the same ones you are supposed to be helping them with, and the harder you fail, the harder you will fall in their eyes. Know thyself, heal thyself, but don’t think you can conceal yourself.

People can be frustrating. Work can be stressful. Life can be disappointing. Where we channel our distress makes the difference between being a composed individual and being a terror. Early on in my career, I participated in a training program for aspiring kiruv professionals and I remember a rule set by one of the senior trainers: “the moment you tell a kid to shut up, you are disqualified from doing this work.” Students and adults lose respect for a leader who intimidates. They are not impressed with a leader who utilizes profanities or who speaks sarcastically to or about others. We all like our ethnocentric jokes (even ones where we kid about stereotypical Jewish hang ups) but racist jokes do not garner respect when coming from a person in charge of the spiritual education of others. Our anger needs to be managed and not directed or displayed in the presence of those whom we seek to inspire.

There comes a time when we have to trade in that old car or aging appliance. It is hard to be that car or appliance. No one is happy to acknowledge their own approaching obsolescence or imminent irrelevance. Nonetheless, when an outreach professional no longer connects with the issues facing youth, or when youth can no longer relate to the professional who once led the kumzitz or sat up all night teaching Torah to them, a crossroads needs to be traversed. There must be a system wherein one can begin preparing for his or her next career move despite the cherished and valuable years that they may have invested in bringing others closer to Torah. A component of making that decision is considering that the next career move which one makes does not absolve the erstwhile outreach professional of needing to maintain the respect of those who may always consider her or him their religious model and mentor. You would not want to follow the footsteps of one exiting rabbi whom I had to assess who in short order removed his frock, shaved off his beard, took on a secular first name, and became a spokesperson for another religion. His former Jewish students were not sure whether or not they should or could still call him “rebbie.”

Even before the age of burnout, there are those who have entered the field of outreach only to begin questioning whether their life fulfillment can be found in this form of helping others. As we mature, we begin to consider existential matters, examining the interface between our identity and our universe. Before we reach that stage, we have already begun testing out our own sense of identity, which is done through adopting and rejecting varying interests, lifestyles, preferences and values. It is common for people to stop and reflect, concerned that they have made choices prematurely. Some who work in kiruv question whether they have come to prioritize their students over their own children, or spouse. Despite the havtacha of the Chasam Sofer that those who venture forth for the sake of the Klal will not have to worry about their own families remaining faithful, we live now in a bigger world with more demands and less family time. This is an identity issue. Some who work on helping others grow see the beautiful fruits of their efforts, yet in contrasting perceived stagnation in the spiritual life of their spouse (or self), they may begin to question to what and to whom they have made their commitments. Still others develop a form of kiruv fatigue, similar to the empathy fatigue reported by mental health professionals. They may struggle with the same dispirit which I discussed in my last article in this journal, and question the meaning and value of the work to which they were once devoted. Others are troubled by the perception that others may have of them that they are in an amorphous field, not as revered as are clergy, not as prestigious as are educators, not as formally educated as are those who are in a conventional profession. They may question “what I am I going to do when I grow up?” These are identity concerns.

In working with kiruv professionals both in a forensic and in a supportive therapeutic role, I have proposed a number of recommendations to the organizations which hire them, to the synagogues which sponsor them, and to the youth commissions which attempt to guide and monitor them. I will offer these heartfelt and caring recommendations herein. They are based on more than three decades of professional study of those many, many dear and gifted professionals who do HaShem’s work in the trenches with those who seek spirituality and inspiration, and based also on diagnostic evaluations of those individual persons who are in conflict. They are my opinions. I propose that those involved in hiring kiruv leaders, who will be in positions to monitor and assess their programs, and who keep the pulse of those to whom they offer outreach, consider these recommendations. Selecting some of them as guidelines may serve to assure the quality of the kiruv program and to prevent disappointment and liability. These are recommendations which I often propose as considerations for enhancing the foundations of outreach programs:

1. I recommend that those who seek to mentor and guide others about Orthodox religious life, first attain, if men, a formal earned rabbinic ordination (smicha) and/or a minimum of five years post-high school full time beis medrash and/or kollel level Torah study. If women, I recommend that they have a number of years of formal post-high school Torah education, and that both men and women undertake coursework and systematic training in the “art and science” of Torah outreach. To be in a position of authority and mentoring, and to address both concrete and spiritual aspects of Torah Judaism demands that one have the ability to respond to students in an informed manner.
2. Those who seek to pursue kiruv work have an established relationship with a rabbinic mentor, or mentors, with whom to discuss halachic and hashkafic matters. The mentor should take responsibility and accountability in a documented manner to assure that his student maintains contact, and regularly checks in.
3. Those who seek positions first undergo a mental status evaluation by a licensed mental health professional who is familiar with the Torah community and its needs. This is to identify the presence of possible pathologies or conflicts which might interfere with the effectiveness and the readiness of the aspirant to engage in helping others. This evaluation can also help identify individual strengths and assets in each aspiring outreach professional.
4. Outreach professionals have an annual check-up face-to-face with his or her rabbinic guide to discuss their own spiritual process and any religious struggles. It is important to reflect on one’s original vision and interest in beginning a career doing outreach, and to contrast this with their current feelings and investment in continuing that work, exploring whether they are in it for the same or for different reasons.
5. Outreach professionals have a face-to-face check in with a mental health professional to identify any personal, marital, familial or professional conflicts or stresses that he or she might be dealing with. At the discretion of the mental health professional, areas which require therapeutic attention or resolution will be treated in more ongoing counseling, or a referral to an appropriate expert will be made.
6.  Outreach professionals authorize the mental health professional to confer with the rabbinic mentor, or with the organization head (such as the NCSY director or the local Chabad House director) so that there can be a transparency and collaborative discussion as to whether the kiruv professional is facing undue conflict or stress which might affect competence, or pose risks to other persons or to the community.
7.  Outreach professionals seek consultation at the end of five years in determining whether they remain motivated and appropriate for the work setting in which they have been involved. A collaborative decision making process should be undertaken in helping relocate or retrain those who are ready to pursue other endeavors.
8. Establish an ongoing forum of local outreach professionals, with mandatory participation, so that those who work in the field can offer peer counseling and support in dealing with the stresses and challenges that each one faces.
9. Offer trainings and seminars as part of the required continuing education of those who work in outreach. Topics germane to their work, including relevant psychological information, information about addictions and concerns facing youth, conflict resolution, dealing with financial issues, interfacing with synagogue rabbis and other pastoral material should be part of the ongoing education.
10. I also recommend that outreach professionals take on personal Torah learning and spirituality growth projects, including but not limited to formal regular Torah study with a partner.

It has been said that when you are holding a hammer, everyone looks like a nail. I am not looking for nails, and I will reiterate the message that I began with. My thoughts and recommendations here are not intended as criticism of the worthy professionals and superb programs which reach out to our Jewish brothers and sisters. I relish the opportunities to provide them with positive and mentally hygienic consultation in support of their vital work. Some of my thoughts, as I have qualified, are founded on an understanding of the underside or pathological dimension with whom I also, at times, consult. A great deal of my thinking, however, is decidedly coming from a positive psychological appraisal of how much good work is being done for our people, and how many talented persons devote their energies and souls to this form of helping. May HaShem guide all of us.

Rabbi Asher Resnick

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

Kiruv is an Urgent Priority

I would like to address two points as a follow-up to the articles on kiruv.

1. How much money and resources should we continue to invest in kiruv?

There is a beautiful insight that I learned from Rav Yaakov Weinberg, zt”l, many years ago that is very relevant to this question.

The Gemara (Baba Basra 21a) says about Rebbe Yehoshua ben Gamla, that if not for him, Torah would have been forgotten from Israel. What was his extraordinary contribution that warranted such great praise? Up until his time, there was no formal system of schools, as the fathers were the ones who were the teachers of Torah to their sons. While it was wonderful that the fathers played this role, it led to a problem in the generation of Rebbe Yehoshua ben Gamla. He saw that there were many orphans who were not being taught Torah. In order to address this problem, he developed an extensive system of schools in Jewish communities throughout the world. And to avoid stigmatizing the orphans, it was required that all boys attend these schools, even those with fathers of their own.

Rav Yaakov Weinberg, zt”l pointed out that there is an obvious question that could be asked on this Gemara. As terrible as it was that the orphans were being denied the opportunity to learn Torah, how could the Gemara say that this would have caused the Torah to have been forgotten from Israel? After all, how many orphans could there have been?

He therefore explained that the meaning of the Gemara must be that a Jewish community that doesn’t care enough to ensure that everyone has the opportunity to learn Torah, will fail to teach the Torah successfully even to their own children.

This message has frightening implications for us today. Who amongst us is not concerned about the terrible phenomenon of children in all sectors of the frum community losing their connection to Torah, or worse, going “off the derech”? This teaching of the Gemara suggests that the very premise that we must make a decision to either direct our resources toward kiruv rechokim or towards kiruv k’rovim is fundamentally flawed. Perhaps the reason that we see so many frum kids going “off the derech” is actually related to the fact that we haven’t made enough of an effort to reach out to secular Jews – i.e., those who grew up with no one in their family to teach them Torah. In other words, if the frum community really cares about the continuity of Torah, they will necessarily invest in kiruv, and this will also help to keep their own kids “on the derech,” as well.

2. Is it appropriate to speak about assimilation as a crisis, and even to use the metaphor of the Holocaust to describe it?

Long before my Rosh HaYeshiva and Rebbe, Rav Noach Weinberg, zt”l, spoke this way, the Chafetz Chaim (in Chizuk haDas and Chomas HaDas) declared that the situation of the Jewish people in 1905 was an Eis La’asos – a time when every single Jew was obligated to serve G-d and address the crisis of assimilation the entire day, each one according to his abilities.

“In general, then, everyone is obligated to honor G-d with whatever is in his power at all times and in all situations, leaving but a little time to earn for himself and his family a modest living, just like the banker who must be content with meager rations while fighting in the army.”

In a second example of using physical terminology to speak about spiritual dangers he wrote –

“In former times, when fires were infrequent, it was enough for the government to appoint one company of fireman. Today, however, because fires are common everywhere, each community has a group of volunteers. The same applies to the yetzer [hara]. Once, it was sufficient for the Holy One to select a few chosen individuals in each generation who, with the power of their inspired words, could quench the flames of passion. But today, when, because of our many transgressions, fires are common everywhere, volunteers must be found in every community.”

And in a final example of physical terminology, he said that assimilation was “similar to the case of a man who sees his friend drowning in a river, or in some other imminent danger, and is commanded to save him. He is forbidden to stand idly by, as it says – “Do not stand idly by your brother’s blood.” If he cannot personally save him, he is obligated to hire others to save him… Just as we are obligated to find men who can swim well and pay them, if necessary, to save someone we see drowning in a river, so too are we obligated to find excellent orators who are G-d-fearing men, and who know how to attract the hearts of Israel to their Father in Heaven.”

This sense of crisis was also expressed by the Alter of Nevaradok (M’zakeh HaRabim in Madregas Ha’Adam, first published in 1918):

“When one becomes aware of a failing within society as grievous as its present educational structure, which has taken such a tremendous toll on our youth, one must summon up all of his powers to guard the breach, remove the impediments, and raise up the standard of truth. This is especially true in our days, when the nets of the doctrine of transgression are cast even over the very young, when all the paths of Torah are desolate, and when there remains but a chosen few who stand steadfast and unflinching upon their watch… If the present state of affairs is permitted to persist, there is a danger (G-d forbid) that in the course of time, Torah will vanish from Israel. This being so, there is no alternative but to rouse ourselves from our slumber, take cognizance of the dangers which confront us and do battle with them, with all of our talents and sensitivities, with all of the means at our disposal.”

Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l, in a call to action that was directed to yeshiva students and published in the Jewish Observer in June, 1973, similarly stressed the urgency of the situation:

“Today, however, a crisis situation exists, and it is most acute. While there were times when we could keep ourselves distant from forces of darkness, they are now closing in, even threatening the most sheltered communities of those loyal to Torah… These are exceptional times. We must, therefore, examine our accepted priorities to determine who is to be charged with the responsibility of battling to better our situation and under what conditions…

As Moshe responded to the voice of authority when he was told that he must [act] because there was no one else, so too must our yeshiva students… When there is no one else to accomplish this, then one must even take time from his Torah studies to do so…

The current situation makes urgent demands upon us, for “It is a time to work for G-d. It is an Eis La’asos.”

And finally, a declaration signed on the eve of Rosh HaShanah 5765 by Rav Shmuel Birnbaum, Rav Matisiyahu Chaim Solomon, Rav Yaakov Perlow and Rav Aaron Moshe Shechter, as well as by Rav Yosef Shalom Eliyashiv and Rav Aryeh Leib Shteinman:

“The situation of our brethren in eretz Yisrael and chutz l’Aretz is rapidly deteriorating. Inciters from both within and without are doing everything possible to uproot the Torah haKedosha and pure faith from our fellow Jews, leading them astray through seductive and false ideas. The situation today is truly an awful, spiritual holocaust [literally, Matzav zeh k’yom hu Mamash Shoah Ruchnis Nora’ah] that is claiming the souls of millions of Jews who are assimilating among the nations, may Hashem protect us… As the Chafetz Chaim wrote, ‘When one sees people drowning and doesn’t know how to save them, he must hire people who do know how – or learn himself!’”

The fact that there is even a need to prove to mechanchim (educators) that a situation of close to 90% of the Jewish people assimilating is properly understood as a crisis, and comparable in its destruction and devastation to the Holocaust, is perhaps the greatest sign of that very crisis existing even in the frum world today.

Aliza Bulow

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

Broadening the Pool of Qualified Mekarvim

I write from both a shared and very different perspective than many of the authors in the Klal Perspectives symposium on Kiruv (Fall 2012). My life has been devoted to learning and growing in Torah, and helping others do the same, for the past 32 years. After studying for 2 years at Michlelet Bruria inJerusalem, and serving for 2 years in the Nachal division of the IDF setting up settlements in the early 80s, I moved toNew York City where I graduatedHunterCollege with a degree in Hebrew and Jewish Social Studies. While on campus, I was active in the Hillel, Jewish Student Union and the Student Struggle for Soviet Jewry, creating shabbatons, leading trips toWashington and eventually visiting refusnicks in theSoviet Union with my new husband in 1985.

We moved to Long Beach, NYas newlyweds. Through a combination of connection to Tehilla Jaeger, spending six summers in the Shor Yoshuv Bungalow colony, and sending my kids to chareidi schools, I continued my path of evolution from Camp Solomon Schechter to Mizrachi to Friefeld-influenced Chareidi. As a young family we were active, lay mekarvim, and as a growing mother I began to teach one-on-one and then to give community shiurim. I began my professional kiruv career through Partners in Torah, eventually becoming the telephone mentor’s mentor. My husband, an attorney, has been my steady support all the way through.

When we moved toDenver,Colorado, just over a decade ago, I became the Program Director for The Jewish Experience. My husband jokes that while I continue to work in “retail,” teaching Torah to adults through The Jewish Experience and other Jewish organizations and by hosting guests in our home, my main job for the past six years has been in “wholesale,” as I travel internationally for Ner LeElef, supporting women in kiruv through personal visits, networking and over-the-phone coaching.

It is from the breath of multiple countries, three decades, and contact with hundreds of people in the field that I share the thoughts below.

I often consult with heads of kiruv organizations seeking qualified candidates to hire. It seems there are jobs out there for people with a strong work ethic, passion for the work to be done, the skills and intelligence to do the job and enough exposure and ahavas Yisroel (love of one’s fellow Jew) not to be thrown off track when difficult people and situations arise. But finding all that in one person when you are ready to hire is frequently a problem.

The challenge of finding highly motivated and competent kiruv workers can be solved in short order if we stop looking far and wide for the best and the brightest and simply turn our heads to the left and right. There is a valuable pool in our midst, untapped and overlooked. The pool is full of highly educated (often with 14 years of Jewish education as well as a master’s degree), hardworking, conscientious people who have great social skills, can skillfully multi-task and who care deeply about the future of Klal Yisroel (the Jewish people). These are people who would love to work for the Jewish future in their professional lives but since they must prioritize the financial support of their families, they train for careers in other fields. These people are role models of living a Torah life with both intensity and integrity, and yet they are rarely contemplated when looking for someone to fill a kiruv role. These people, of course, are women.

These days, most women work either full or part time while raising their children. Gone are the days of communities full of stay-at-home mothers and, along with their disappearance, gone are the days of women maintaining the shuls, cooking for and running the kiddushes as well as other shul activities, improving the schools, volunteering on field trips and in the classroom. Our communal infrastructure and our families have paid a heavy price as it has become necessary for women to work not only outside of the home but outside the community. As rolling the clock back does not seem to be an option, the smart girls of today begin to prepare in high school, getting college credits and job experience that will help them in their eventual career.

Because day school teachers are paid so little, and other commonly female jobs in the Torah observant world are limited and low paying, we have created a tremendous brain drain in our community. By neither fully respecting nor fairly compensating the contributions that women can make, we have created a situation in which our highly intelligent, motivated, capable women seek work in areas in which they are respected and get paid at a level commensurate with their capabilities. Many become speech therapists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, nurses, social workers and graphic designers. Some become doctors, lawyers, accountants or software engineers, among other professions. Almost none of these women even consider a career in klal work (servicing the Jewish community) as there is no framework for training, hiring and advancing women in these areas.

Sadly, this situation exists even in the world of kiruv. In most kiruv couples, the woman is seen as the support mechanism for her husband’s work. She is expected to create the environment for her husband to host a large and lovely Shabbos (20 hours a week of shopping, prep, cooking, serving, hosting, and clean up), attend the events he creates (sometimes providing food for those as well), allow her husband to work long hours including nights and weekends, and, of course, to be charming at all times. In some cases the woman may give a class or two a week and learn one-on-one with some students. In other cases, a woman may do all the PR and social media communications for herself and her husband as well as other support work.

In most cases, the woman does not receive a separate salary and does not have her own contract. Many times, women actually end up having to pay to work: she must hire babysitting help so she can teach or attend events, and the amount of hosting the couple does means she often must hire help to be able to manage Shabbos and the rest of the week’s work along with her other responsibilities. If the wife has made a connection with girls on a campus and would like to participate on anIsrael trip with them, she is often discouraged, and must sometimes pay for her airfare herself and/or make childcare arrangements at her own expense. There are even many JWRP (Jewish Women’s Renaissance Project) trip leaders who are expected to do much of the planning, fundraising, traveling and follow up at their own expense.

When women do have their own kiruv job and contract, they are generally paid at about 40-60% of what men get for similar work. Additionally, Shabbos and husband support is often taken for granted and not factored in to the hours she is expected to work, even if it is more than she would be doing if her husband worked in another profession.

In short, most women in kiruv are “kiruv wives.” I’d like to see more become “kiruv women” or mekarvot in their own right. Too few think of women when they think of the current or potential community of mekarvim.

Several years ago, before I worked for Ner LeElef, a community kollel advertised a “da mah shetashiv” (know what to answer) evening for mekarvim, featuring a prominent out-of-town speaker, in the local shul newsletter. As the newsletter did not specify that the evening was for men only, I attended with a friend. It turns out it was for men only, just no one thought to specify that since they never thought that a woman might be included in the definition of “mekarvim.”

While women do have a little more access to professional kiruv today than in the past, they are still not viewed as serious practitioners. Just look at the roster of authors on the Klal Perspectives issue on kiruv: only one of 17 is female. The TorahKiruv listserv is closed to women. At AJOP, women can only address “women only” audiences, which means that a) men do not get to hear and learn from women in the field, and b) since the majority of those attending the conference are men, the pool of those available to attend a woman’s talk is so limited that there really is little point in planning such sessions.

When I began my work at Ner LeElef, I wanted to create a network that would transcend organizations and politics and help women grow in their roles as facilitators of Klal Yisroel. I named my network “WICK” for “Women in Chinuch and Kiruv,” wrote a mission statement and an inaugural newsletter, and set my sites on a quarterly publication, a website, a network of mentors, and a conference.

After a few years visiting and supporting women in the field, I realized that women in chinuch (educating Jewish children) didn’t need my time nearly as much as Women in Kiruv, so I dropped the “C” and narrowed my focus. The candle logo got lost in the effort, but the mission statement remained unchanged:

WIK is a network for women whose lives are dedicated to sharing Torah. It affirms the significance of the contribution of women to the education, ingathering and guidance of Jews as they take their place in the framework of a Torah life. It recognizes that when one educates and inspires a woman to live a life permeated by Torah values, one educates her family and its future generations as well. To that end, WIK seeks to encourage and support women engaged in Torah education by offering them connections, information and inspiration that nurture the Torah teacher and support her growth, both personally and as a guide for others.

With my primary professional focus being direct support of women in the field, growing WIK as an organization is a daunting task. The initial newsletter languishes alone and the website is still under construction. But, by partnering with some other organizations, including Sarah’s Place in Cincinnati, Partners in Torah in Detroit and AJOP, there have now been three WIK conferences. No one has yet taken ownership of the conferences, so each year is a new search to find a primary partner, but nevertheless, the seeds planted are already bearing fruit: there is an active WIK listserv, a WIK mentors network, and budding WIK telephone classes. WIK now has some name recognition, and is being seen as an address for support for women. There is a lot more that can and should be done, but until strengthening the network becomes a priority, more broadly appreciated (expressed though funding and an assistant), it will have to continue to grow very slowly in between trips, classes and phone calls.

Unless more of us realize that women can make a significant and valuable contribution to kiruv beyond providing catering and secretarial support, we will continue to squander the resources in our midst.

Both community and campus kiruv organizations must realize that half the people they wish to influence and teach are female. Women often become interested more quickly than men and wish to learn and grow more intensely than many men are prepared to facilitate. Just listen in at the shailah and teshuva (Q and A) session with Rov Dovid Cohen at the end of the AJOP conference, and you will hear many men asking about the parameters of learning with women. It’s only a shailah (question of Jewish law) because there are not enough women to learn with women.

Why not, then, hire more women? “Our donors won’t cover the salaries.” Why don’t we see more women at AJOP? “We can’t afford to send them.” Why is their pay so low? “If they’re really idealistic, they’ll do it anyway, and we can’t afford to give them more.” “Why not at least pay for cleaning help and child care to free up the women we already have in place?” There really is no good answer to that.

Donors too have to realize that women are valuable assets to a kiruv organization and to the global kiruv effort in general. If they will desire to include more high quality women in the field, and back up that desire with a check, organizations will be able to hire and empower the women they are beginning to realize they need.

There is another hurdle, however, and that is the women themselves. Since many are focused on contributing to the family income, in addition to raising a family, they don’t consider kiruv as a job option. And, since kiruv, as it is now, does not require, or reward, any specialized training, many do not respect as “real” a job that one can get without a degree and without specific skills. And since there is no clear advancement track for women (and not too much clarity for men, either), they don’t see it as something they can grow into (and thereby increase their income) as they gain more skill and experience. Additionally, since the observant community at large undervalues women, their Torah and their capabilities (see Rav Hirsch on the word nashe Gen. 32:33), even many women don’t realize how valuable their own contribution can be. Finally, since few women are in the field, there is little support for what they do or professional development for how they can do it better.

To that end, I suggest a sea change. I suggest we begin to value, train and hire women for kiruv jobs. At first, women will have to train on the job. We need to begin hiring, and paying fairly, now. But, over time, I’d like to see a clear and extensive educational program created. I’d like to see an Associate’s level certificate, a bachelor’s level major, and a special master’s degree developed that could be attained by either men or women interested in furthering their education and competence.

Additionally, I’d like to see more support and professional development for women in the field. I’d like to help WIK grow. I have lots of ideas, and others do, too. All we need now is time, money and trust.

Through the work of several strong women in the field, and through the budding community of WIK, I hope that women are beginning to see the possibilities. I hope that the broader observant community, kiruv organizations, and donors will soon see them as well.

Rabbi Zev Kahn

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv 

Working Together is Smarter and Better

Recognizing our limited resources, here are some practical suggestions to help kiruv organizations work smarter and better together.

I attended the recent AJOP convention, where many of the issues raised in the recent issue of Klal Perspectives were discussed and developed extensively. Listening to several of the authors passionately state their case, and following the back and forth between them and with the audience, made for a fascinating, ‘hands on’ examination of the critical issues at hand. Personally, I was energized and feel enthusiastic about the future of kiruv having so many great people working so hard at making our efforts more successful.

I’d like to suggest some practical steps that have helped kiruv organizations in Chicago work smarter and better. I run a kiruv organization, called JET – Jewish Education Team, which is based in Chicago and that reaches approximately 1,000 college students, young professionals and adults.

Here are some of the ideas that have worked for JET:

Sharing Students

My first idea is to share students. Before I started JET, I worked with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh running TLC (Torah Learning Center) in the Chicago suburb of Northbrook, offering adult programming to the neighboring suburbs. Later on, a friend of mine, David Begoun, started his own organization in the neighboring suburb of Deerfield, where his parents lived. He called to ask me if I had any names of people who might be interested. Over the years, I had built up a large database and with a quick search found about 100 names and I emailed all the contact information I had to David. I could have protected those names, given him just a few or delayed getting back to him but I thought to myself: “Here is someone new starting out. Let me give him a chance. How much will it really affect us if I gave him our students?” Looking back, it really did not affect us at all. Instead, today, Rabbi Begoun and his wife, Ali, run a thriving kiruv organization in Deerfield called the L’Chaim Center. Rabbi Begoun is an outstanding mekarev. I don’t believe that my list is what made his organization successful, but I’m sure it helped. David has never forgotten my small act of chesed, our friendship has grown and we now do programs together.

Sharing Speakers

Today, there are a number of kiruv organizations working in the suburbs of Chicago. Even after moving into the college and young adult field, JET continued to do occasional programs in the suburbs, partly to reach parents of our students and partly for fundraising. For a while, each of these organizations would bring in a guest speaker, advertising around the suburbs. Sometimes, there would be two or three events a week, especially in May and November. Since the suburbs are close to each other, some of our students overlap. While I’m sure they appreciated the choice and it looks good on a calendar to see so many events, attendance was suffering.

So a group of heads of these organizations had a meeting and decided to try work together. Even though some of our students overlapped and it might have made sense to protect our speakers and students, upon closer examination, we realized that our target audiences are essentially different. For example, Heritage is for Russians, Torah Academy of Buffalo Grove appeals to parents of young kids, JET is for parents of college kids, and the L’Chaim Center is focused specifically in Deerfield.

We came up with a simple strategy. First, we shared our calendars of upcoming events on a Google document and agreed to try not to have events the same week. Then, we planned ahead and decided that when a speaker contacts any of us about an upcoming speaking tour, we would email each other to see if any other organization would like to participate jointly. So when Rabbi Ken Spiro emailed me a few weeks later, I emailed everyone, and after some back and forth, we came up with a date and venue for a joint event. We designed a flyer with the logos of all the organizations and sent it out to all our lists. As a result, we had a much larger attendance and I was able to split the costs among the organizations, though I did most of the work for that event.

Later that year, Rabbi Begoun organized a pre-Pesach event with Charlie Harary. We had a standing room only audience in a much bigger venue and everyone loved it. Now, we are busy planning another pre-Pesach event – at an even bigger venue than last year. Perhaps I could afford the time and money to do one or two big speaker events a year, but now with this system, I can have at least six! I only have to put major effort into one or two of them and I’m almost guaranteed to have a decent turnout.

Working with Baal Habatim

The JLE Mentors Mission is an example of a partnership that has had enormous success, and that has benefited JET directly. Danny Lemberg, a former talmid of Ohr Somayach in Yerushalayim who now lives in Lakewood, came up with an amazing idea. Ohr Somayach has been running a very successful program every summer and winter, called JLE. Between thirty and forty students from all over North America come for three weeks of learning Torah from some of the top kiruv rabbis, with rousing Shabbosim and lots of touring.

Danny had the idea to bring along successful baal habatim from Lakewood for five days of the JLE program. This program includes the same elements of a JLE, except the baal habatim are each assigned a student or two with whom to bond, with the intent that they will stay connected long after the program. The Mentors Mission has been a phenomenal success. When I saw it for the first time, I knew I had to bring Chicago mentors who could develop a relationship with our local students.

One shining success: Eli Finestone mentored Andrew (now Ari) Tennant. When they both got back to Chicago, Eli offered Ari a job at a hotel in order to help him make some money for yeshiva. Ari is now in his second year of the Center program at Ohr Somayach. Over the summer, he came back to Chicago to visit his parents and for the entire time he was there, Eli hired him in a separate job, paying him more to help cover his second year of yeshiva. His parents were thrilled that while his other friends were struggling to find a job, Ari found one immediately; as a result, they were much more supportive of his second year of learning.

I realize that I might lose some funding from some of my frum supporters, who will now support Ohr Somayach. But what I gain in these mentors building strong, healthy relationships with our top students and the passion for kiruv they bring to the community far outweighs that.

In addition, the Mentors Mission arranges a follow up Shabbaton in Lakewood every Presidents Day Weekend, when close to a hundred students travel to experience Lakewood. They meet the Roshei Yeshiva, they sit and learn with talmidim of BMG, and they spend an incredible Shabbos with Rabbi Simcha Bunim Cohen’s kehilla. For members of the community, for the students, for Ohr Somayach, for mekarvim, it’s truly zeh neneh, vzeh neneh –– v’lo chaser (each side benefits and no one loses).

Crossing State Boundaries

Chicago is a great city that draws people from all over North America. Yet many students go to schools outside of Illinois, such as University of Michigan, University of Indiana and University of Wisconsin, all of which have large, successful kiruv operations. Many of these students come home to Chicago for spring, summer and winter breaks, and when they graduate, many move back to Chicago. And many of them have friends who are JET students. A few years ago, I started making regular calls and sending regular emails to the mekarvim on these campuses, asking them for names of students from Chicago with whom they had a relationship. My thought was that instead of them being ‘dormant’ over their breaks, we could invite them to our programs and keep them involved. We now have a number of these students who have graduated, moved to Chicago and transitioned into our young professionals program, and a number of others who regularly come to us for Shabbos. Occasionally, they will even bring new students along, as well.

NCSY, Hillel, JLIC, Chabad…

We are trying to do the same with NCSY. We are still in the early stages, but JET is now working with NCSY to meet the more active students in their senior year of high school before they head to university in the Chicago area.

JET also has a great relationship with Hillel, with all of our Maimonides programs being run in Hillel buildings. This year a mikvah in Champaign will b’ezras Hashem, be completed with the cooperation of JET, Hillel, JLIC, Chabad, the local Federation and even members of the local reform synagogue.

We have a great relationship with two shuls in West Rogers Park – Sha’arei Tzedek Mishkan Yair and Mikor Hachaim, which are both made up predominantly of baal teshuva families. These families host our students for Shabbos and are excellent role models for them. In addition, we benefit from their Carlebach Friday night minyan, as well as their quiet and inspiring davening, beis midrash programming, scholar in residence programs, megilah readings… the list goes on.

Fundraising

Even in the area of fundraising, I believe we can work together. I have no problem sharing names with other organizations and I’d also like to share ideas for events and best practices. I love some of the fundraising events run in Chicago. Gesher haTorah runs a great event each year, called Just Dinner. Arie Crown has a sophisticated evening of entertainment. JET can’t copy these events, but other cities could, if I had the opportunity to share the idea with them. I’d like to hear of other great events in other cities.

We need more interaction. Instead of running so fast all the time, let’s stop and spend some time thinking about how we can help each other. Maybe a two-day retreat to share ideas could be arranged.

These ideas:

• Save time and money
• Make students happy
• Make donors happy
• Make Hashem happy (I’m guessing)

Whether or not time and resources for kiruv are running out, let’s at least use what we have in a smarter and better way.

Rabbi Menachem Schrader

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

The Still, Soft Voice

The previous edition of Klal Perspectives (Fall 2012) provided many different views on kiruv by people heavily involved in this activity. I would like to focus on several of the recurring themes in the articles, as well as point out several aspects of kiruv methodology not mentioned.

1. One of the articles details in four paragraphs the essential relationship between the present kiruv movement and bias hamashiach(coming of the Messiah). Quoting Rav Hutner, zt”l, via Rav Shurkin, the author explains how the kiruv movement is an expression of Hashem’s hand in bringing in the pre-Messianic era. The author goes on to give the timing of the success of Rav Nachman Bulman as an example of Hashem’s intervention in the timing of kiruv success.

This kind of approach, namely that what “we” are doing is “the” path to the redemption, has already resulted in one Chassidic group claiming its deceased Rebbe was Mashiach, and will be resurrected as such. A similar approach has caused a significant crisis of education and belief within the Israeli National Religious movement upon the withdrawal from Gush Katif.

Specifically, it is dangerous to approach kiruv as a messianic effort for three reasons:

a) Burnout and disappointment are likely to descend on mekarvim at some point as a result of this approach;

b) It can cause a reinterpretation of redemption in order to fit into whatever results from the effort;

c) It interferes with any objective analysis of what is going on. All who see kiruv as petering out, right or wrong, will be “spoiling the party,” and reducing the adrenalin surge of those who believe they are partnering with Eliyahu haNavi. If kiruv is assumed to be the harbinger of redemption, even if someone figures out a way to evaluate it, he had better come up with a positive view, lest he be thrown aside as a spoil sport and a party pooper who is lacking proper emunah (faith), and perhaps worse.

Factually, it flies in the face of several other articles in the same issue of Klal Perspectives that perceive kiruv levels dropping, including one written by the well known mekarev Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald, founder of NJOP andfirst president of AJOP.

2. A significant portion of contemporary kiruv focuses on reaching individuals. In this model, the mekarev finds people who appear to be likely candidates, usually youngsters, and brings them under his or her influence. This is done by befriending, and sometimes through platonic “love bombing.” Charisma of the individual mekarev is paramount in this process. The personal connection between the mekarev and the mekurav is crucial in this effort. This connection is turned into a loyalty bond the likes of which can be inspiring. It can also turn into a very demanding relationship, one in which the mekarev uses his or her personal “clout” in the relationship to move the subject of these efforts (a Jewish human being) in a religious direction.

In extreme cases, this becomes a dependency relationship, with considerable psychological implications. Attachments of these sorts allow the mekarev more interested in power than Torah to abuse the object of his kiruv efforts, sometimes verbally, sometimes with physical abuse, and sometimes in sexual advances as well. The relationship is so powerful that even when abusive mekarvim are publicly exposed beyond a shadow of a doubt, those subject to their influence have great difficulty detaching from their charismatic power. While this undoubtedly occurs only in a very small percentage of kiruv relationships, it is the nature of these relationships in general that allows this to take place.

It is not understood by this writer why the encouragement of the relationships above described continues to be common and legitimate in the kiruv world. The potential damage to the objects of kiruv, to the mekarvim, and to the families of all involved has been painfully realized and exposed in several cases over the past 25 years. It should be added that many of those brought ostensibly close to Judaism through this method have broken out to become enemies of the Torah community, in reaction to what they or their friends experienced. Why do we not face up to the damage this method has wrought? Why do we continue to claim the methodology is sound and view the damage caused as incidental, when in fact its occasional result is endemic to this method of kiruv?

3. One alternative way to bring nonobservant Jews back to Torah and mitzvos may be called “the Communal Effort.” The motto of this approach may be found in the words of Ruth in her acceptance of Torah, “amech ami vEilokayich Elokoi” (your people is my people and your G-d is my G-d). In this way, Jews are inspired to return to observance by becoming part of a normative religious community that they find attractive and welcoming.

It is crucial in understanding this approach to recognize that, as a rule, observant Jews keep Torah and mitzvos primarily as a community. The Torah was commanded to the Jewish nation as a whole at Mount Sinai, and we are collectively held responsible by the Covenant at Arvos Moav (mentioned at the end of the Torah) for individuals who stray. Thus, we observe mitzvos as a group; ideally, we pray as a minyan, representing the whole of the Jewish people. Even when praying in solitary, we nonetheless phrase all the blessings of Shmoneh Esrai and the Blessings of Krias Shma in the plural, clearly referring to the whole of the Jewish community.

Our religious life is structured around synagogues and community centers. We have communal shechitah, communal standards of Kashrus, communal mikvaos, communal yeshivos, seminaries, and day schools, communal rabbis, communal shiurim, communal summer camps, and communal vacation resorts. In Israel, the whole of the country serves as a macro-community. We are encouraged by Megilas Esther to celebrate Purim communally. We begin the Seder by inviting in all who wish to participate. We invite guests to our Sukkos as representatives of the Founders of the collective Jewish entity. We are taught how to observe the Torah when we are on occasion isolated from all this. But we know that this is the exception to the rule, and anxiously await our return to the context of our communities.

In this method of kiruv, the focus is not on bringing the individual back to observance, but rather on welcoming the individual into the normative Jewish religious community. Religious observance is taken up in a process of becoming part of the observant community and taking in the religious norms the community observes and takes for granted by all who participate in it.

The Seif Jewish Learning Initiative on Campus of the Orthodox Union, of which I am one of the directors, is not an organization that focuses on bringing about baalei teshuvah. Our focus is twofold:

a) to create a Torah community for students who enter the university observant to participate in, to remain true to Torah in practice and study, and advance as well;

b) to present authentic Torah Judaism via this community to the wider Jewish public on campus in a way that is welcoming, attractive, and respectful of all, without a specific kiruv agenda.

We try to accomplish the above by placing on campus a rabbinic married couple to be examples, to lead, and to empower the Torah community to create a communal makom Torah (Torah environment) on campus, in the widest sense of that term. We call the husband and wife of this couple Torah Educators.

Although our Torah Educators do not have a specific kiruv agenda, numerous students have become observant as a result of becoming part of these campus Torah communities. These previously nonobservant Jewish students are attracted to a sincere welcoming community that serves Hashem as a group, and understands itself to be part of and representative of the totality of the Jewish people.

This approach to kiruv was described on the neighborhood communal level by Rabbi Ilan Feldman as a utopian, Kiddush Hashem-oriented Orthodox synagogue (Why the Giant Sleeps, Klal Perspectives Fall 2012) and by Rabbi Bentzi Epstein about his Dallas Torah community (There is a Makom Torah in Dallas: How Community Kollels are Raising Communities, Klal Perspectives Fall 2012).

In this system, the attachment of the nonobservant Jew does not focus on an individual who brings them in, but rather on a community of which they become a part.

It is this approach that makes room for and encourages those hungry to hear the words of Hashem to be part of their local, representative community of the mamleches kohanim v’goy kadosh (kingdom of priests, and holy nation)

4. It would be wrong to minimize the importance of a personal connection between the Torah Educators and their students, observant or not, in order for our Torah Education model to work. What is different about the personal connection between our Torah Educators and their students as opposed to that of the mekarvim and theirs is its focus. Our Torah Educators need not be charismatic individuals. Our Torah Educators need be outstanding personal examples of Torah in their personal lives, as a man, as a woman, and as a couple, in order to project what we hope for our students, both as individuals and as future (and sometimes present) couples.

Furthermore, our message to them is not based on charisma. It is a message of derech eretz, chinuch, and Talmud Torah (proper ways, education and Torah study). We are not interested in students succumbing to the directives of our Torah Educators, as they are bowled over by the force of their personality. We want them to want to emulate the Torah Educators due to their virtue. We want the students to listen to them because they are presenting Toras Hashem.

In the words of the Gemara in Yoma, quoted by Rambam:

ואהבת את ה’ אלוקיך. שיהא שם שמים מתאהב על ידך. שיהא קורא ושונה ומשמש תלמידי חכמים, ויהא משאו ומתנו בנחת עם הבריות. מה הבריות אומרות עליו? אשרי אביו שלמדו תורה! אשרי רבו שלמדו תורה! אוי להם לבריות שלא למדו תורה! פלוני שלמדו תורה, ראו כמה נאים דרכיו, כמה מתוקנים מעשיו! עליו הכתוב אומר ‘ויאמר לי עבדי אתה, ישראל אשר בך אתפאר.’

“You shall love Hashem your Lord.” [This includes] that the name of Heaven should becomed beloved by your hand, that you should study [the written and oral Torah] and serve Torah scholars and that your interactions with others should be pleasant. What will people say of such a person? “Fortunate is his father who taught him Torah! Fortunate is his teacher who taught him Torah! Woe to those who did not study Torah! This individual who did study Torah – see how pleasant are his ways and how refined his deeds!” About such a person it says, “[G-d] said to me, ‘You are my servant, Israel, through whom I shall be glorified.’”

This second alternative approach to kiruv might be called “The Exemplar Educator Effort.” Within JLIC, these efforts are presented to all students with whom our Torah Educators come in contact, observant or otherwise. It is the combination of the Communal Effort with the Exemplar Educator Effort by which a haven of Torah is created on campus with appropriate exemplars helping the community and its members draw closer to Hashem and His ways.

לא ברוח ה’, לא ברעש ה’, לא באש ה’, כי אם בקול דממה דקה. G-d is not in the [powerful] winds, nor the shaking of the Earth, nor the burning of the flames; but in the still, soft voice.

Rabbi Shmuli Rosenberg

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

Kiruv: Marketing Judaism

The past few summers, Oorah ran a kiruv program for college-age boys. The program, called Discover U, is a division of TheZone, Oorah’s summer camp. We provide boys with a great blend of fun and learning to ensure the best summer experience geared for their age. At one of our open forum sessions, one participant asked a question that really got me thinking: “Is life really just a bowl of cholent?” he asked. “When I first got involved in kiruv programs, they made it seem like everything is just fun and excitement. But once I started making progress, they slam us with all the 613 mitzvot and then we’re stuck. It’s false advertising!”

There are many angles from which to approach this question. However, the premise challenged by this young man is the very foundation of kiruv. Whatever our goals are, and whatever metrics define success, we are trying to facilitate a change in lifestyle. We want people to give up something for something else. Yes, what we are selling is better. It is in their best interests. Still, it entails sacrifice.

What Exactly is Kiruv?

Webster’s dictionary defines marketing as “the process or technique of promoting, selling, and distributing a product or service.” Isn’t that what we are all doing? We promote and distribute the greatest product of all time – Torah. Kiruv is marketing yidishkeit.

The mekarev regularly employs many of the tactics and concepts of marketing in his or her outreach activities. These range from the basics, such as creating brochures and flyers, to promoting programs to more complex branding feats. We are concerned with our image and our brand. We work on creative and intriguing class titles.

By analyzing kiruv through a marketing prism, there is a lot we can learn.

When does Kiruv Begin?

Larry D. Woodard, CEO of Vigilante, a New York-based advertising agency, in an ABC news story in December of 2009 writes: “In 1992, marketers spent about $8 billion targeting kids; this year that number is more in the $15 billion to $20 billion range.”

He further analyzes that, “It is a known fact in the advertising and marketing world that “pester power,” i.e. the power kids have over your pocket book, is huge. According to studies, children influence as much as $180 billion of spending each year – a sizable portion during the traditional holiday gift giving season. [But] savvy marketers know it isn’t always enough just to influence junior; time must be spent educating parents, usually mom, about the values of a particular toy or game.”

If we were to apply this marketing concept to kiruv as we do with others, it would follow that a very significant amount of kiruv resources ought to be focused on this demographic. Surprisingly, a focus on kiruv for children was something missing from the Fall 2012 issue of Klal Perspectives. There are many great models for this type of potent outreach. Out of convenience of familiarity, I would like to focus on Oorah’s model for this type of work.

Each summer, hundreds of children from all over the country come to Oorah’s camp, TheZone. Featuring separate boys and girls camps staffed by b’nei and b’nos Torah, the children are given a genuine Torah experience in a fun, non-threatening environment. This is in effect an immersion program for children. Many of these children, joined by others in over 30 different locations visit their local ChillZone, Oorah’s weekly learning program.

Aside from the successful results realized with many of these children as they grow up, their parents often increase their level of connection to their Jewish roots, as well. In particular, we have found that many parents want to learn more once their children join a Yeshiva or Day School. Involved parents who want to be a part of their children’s lives will want to understand more of what their children are learning. We have coined our successes in this area “FFK’s” (Frum From Kids).

Many organizations do this type of work, such as NCSY and JEP. I write about Oorah not because I suggest it is better in any way, but because that is what I am familiar with.

Children hold a great power of persuasion. We all know how our children ‘convince’ us of things even when we promise ourselves we will not give in.

Children are also less tainted by the ills of society and are more fertile ground to plant the seeds of authentic Torah values. In our chinuch system, we regularly take young boys and girls with very little Torah knowledge and bring them into yeshivos. We teach them the basics of reading Hebrew, the beginning of Chumash, the ikrei ha’Emunah (principles of faith), the basics of the yomim tovim holidays), etc. Is this not kiruv?

By reaching Jewish youth we can accomplish great things. As it says, Veheishiv leiv avos al banim ve’leiv banim al avosam (and he will return the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the fathers – Malachi 3:24).

When does Kiruv End?

In sticking with the marketing theme, one very important part in customer retention is customer service and support. When translated into kiruv terms, this would mean upkeep and continued support through complete integration.

In observing the outlook on kiruv of our rebbe, Rav Chaim Mintz, I find it inspiring that he treats every kiruv family as he does a talmid (student) of his from Yeshiva of Staten Island. Once a talmid, always a talmid is his mantra, no matter where the talmid is from.

Integration of baalei teshuva is an everlasting challenge, and Oorah provides a cradle to grave set of programs, complete with guidance and support. We have a Rebbitzens program to assist with shiduchim (finding a spouse). Our Yom Tov programs provide our families a haven to experience a Torah-true holiday experience.

How is Kiruv Accomplished?

To answer this, we must answer how selling is accomplished. Undoubtedly, the most effective form of sales is a great product demonstration. Steve Jobs was a master at this. His keynote sessions were greatly effective is selling his products. He convinced millions of people that they need every song in their music collection readily available at any given moment in their pocket. He then convinced people that they need not only 1,000 songs, but over 10,000 songs.

Most kiruv is not accomplished through debate. Most people don’t become frum because they become convinced by deep intellectual arguments. Most kiruv is accomplished by example. When we set an example of what it means to live a happy and productive life, filled with meaning and purpose, others are drawn to it as well. This is the ultimate product demonstration.

Here lies the answer to the question with which I began. In all relationships, there is a certain excitement at the beginning. The same is true with a new job or project. We begin with freshness and enthusiasm. Once the stardust settles, however, the picture before us seems very different, and the task at hand seems more difficult. In other words, reality sets in.

This phenomenon is not by chance. This is G-d’s way of showing us a flash of light at the initiation of any new undertaking in order to demonstrate to us what it can become. It is like a flare illuminating the darkness momentarily, displaying a stunning scene you never imagined was there. Once the flash fades away and we know what we can accomplish and what things can be like, the light disappears and we are tasked to uncover it on our own. What came as a gift and lasted briefly can be made to last forever when earned on our own accord.

When introducing someone to Yiddishkeit, we make their initial experience one of pure fun and excitement, because that is the reality. However, just like all beginnings, the excitement can only last forever when earned. We show them what Shabbos can become and what learning can become. Once they make the commitment, it is for them to strive and recreate that exhilaration once again. It is not false advertising. It is a product demonstration. Just like when you see a product demonstration, it is understood that there is a manual full of instructions and that it may take time to master the product to recreate what was seen as part of the demonstration, the same is true regarding a Torah-true life. We demonstrate what it really is, but it takes time and effort to master it.

Who is Kiruv For?

Who should be involved in kiruv as a mekarev?

Rabbi Steve Burg and Dovid Bashevkin, in their essay “Stuff People Say about Jewish Outreach,” (Klal Perspectives, Fall 2012), discusses several important aspects of kiruv utilizing a viral satire video “Stuff People Say About Oorah.” As the producer of the above video, I thank and commend the authors for a wonderful and insightful piece. In response, I would like to comment on one point in their essay.

In the original video, the character said, “Here you have an organization that is going to be mekarev rechokim (bring close those who are far) – and merachek krovim (make distant those who are close, i.e., those who reach out)!”

The authors then delve into a discussion on training for outreach professionals. As the producer of the original video, I would like to clarify what issue I intended to bring up, and expound on it.

Being involved in kiruv has its dangers. In the interview with Harav Sholom Kamenetzky, shli”ta, the Rosh Yeshiva emphasizes this point strongly: “No one should go into kiruv imagining that he will always be able to preserve ‘West Point standards’ in the field.” Being in the kiruv field will require “engaging in activities that he never imagined himself doing in Yeshiva or Kollel.”

There are those who are very wary of such involvement and would even go so far as to criticize others for being involved in kiruv. They condemn those for purportedly sacrificing their own spirituality to save others. I do concede that there are those who will be affected strongly, and are not cut out for outreach work. But, for those that can withstand the trials involved, this holy work mustn’t be ignored.

Rav Chaim Mintz always tells our volunteers that the best way to combat these negative influences is by accepting on ourselves additional areas of increased holiness. It is crucial to constantly be reminded what you are in this for. You are not in kiruv in order to become ‘one of the boys.’ Of course you must be ‘with it’ and down to earth, but you must never lower yourself to their level. You must maintain your values, and for this you will be respected, admired and ultimately emulated. This is what a successful product demonstration for Torah is. When you understand your roll as a marketer of Judasim, you are only mekarev rechokim.

Every marketers dream is to sell a product so great that it sells itself. We have that. We have Torah that sells itself; we just need to do our little part in helping our brethren see its beauty.

Howie Beigelman

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

“Shlichus” for the 21^st Century:  A Non-Traditional Kiruv Approach

Rabbi Ilan Feldman’s article in the last Klal Perspectives (Why the Giant Sleeps, Fall 2012), in which he presents a vision of the model Orthodox community struck a chord very deep in me. I grew up in a very large, fully functional, and essentially self-contained Modern Orthodox community, but for purposes of schooling and work I have traveled and lived in many smaller, “out-of-town” communities.

While at a prior job that brought me regularly to state capitals and Jewish communities far outside New York, I would think of my travels as a chance to see “real Jews in real places.”  I’ve prayed in the kollel in Grenoble, France, I met a Squarer Chasid in Las Vegas, and spent Shabbos in places such as Austin, Boca Raton, Charleston, Chicago, Edmonton, Harrisburg, Miami, Mt. Kisco, Oakland, Omaha, San Francisco, Silver Spring and more. I studied in Washington, DC, lived for a time in Albany, and currently live in Ithaca, NY, where I’ve come for an attractive parnassa (job) opportunity.

If only Orthodox Jews in larger numbers would be able to spend significant time outside of the “big cities,” at least two, and possibly three, things might happen.

First, they might meet, as Rabbi Feldman did on his Federation trip to Israel, many Jews of different denominations who are passionately committed to Jewish peoplehood, Judaism and Israel. I myself went on a similar program several years back, run by Israel’s Foreign Ministry, and was struck by the sincerity, religious passion, and fierce commitment to Judaism and the Jewish people that I saw in my co-participants. Like Rabbi Feldman, I kept my mouth shut about kashrus questions, Shabbos accommodations and other areas. Like him, many of the participants on the trip have become good friends in the years since, despite our religious differences. I also like to joke that my three favorite professors in law school were an Orthodox rabbi, a Reform rabbi, and a Catholic priest. And when I worked in lobbying and political action for an Orthodox organization, I found myself working side by side with, and sometimes on opposite sides of issues from, equally committed, equally proud Jews of other denominations. Taking the time to get to know them meant we found common cause when able, kept our disagreements civil when unable, and made friendships all the same.

Second, such communities provide the opportunity for Jews of all stripes to work together, live together and build Jewish life together. They have the opportunity to become friends, and to break down stereotypes that engender distance at best and distaste at worst. In such communities, Orthodox Jews can, as Rabbi Feldman notes, model Torah life, without need to resort to teaching, preaching or threatening.

They might also find that a broad, open Jewish community, where one’s yeshiva pedigree, or kippa preference is less critical than whether they are Jewish and whether they want to be involved as a growing, contributing member of the community. Spending time in such communities also provides the opportunity to contribute to the growth of a community in a meaningful way that matters both to one’s self and to the Jewish people to a far greater degree than is possible in large, established communities. For older singles, baalei teshuva (newly observant) and nontraditional Orthodox couples, such communities also provide a place to belong without feeling out of place, or behind their peers.

And thirdly, they might find, as I have, job and educational opportunities that are simply unavailable in a city like New York. It could be a medical fellowship, a legal clerkship or, as I found, an opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. No one says these opportunities must last forever, but they can be, for a young single or young couple, or a middle-aged breadwinner at a career crossroads, an opportunity for advancement well beyond what they could expect in New York. They could also find opportunities in specialty areas that are simply unavailable in New York.

The first two of these possibilities are directly related to the overarching question of the kiruv issue: how to succeed, which, as Rabbi Feldman hints, is by modeling. I would say even more so, it is by creating a two way street, a friendship between Orthodox Jews and others.

The last piece, however, adds an important practical aspect. We are all familiar with the shlichus (emissary) program that Chabad runs worldwide.  It is unrealistic, perhaps, to assume that Modern Orthodox or Yeshiva/Charedi Orthodox Jews will spend their entire lives in small outposts of Judaism. But young adults, both singles and couples with younger children, ought to be encouraged to head out to places where they can best experience what they need for their professional lives.

And similar to what Mormon leadership requires of their adherents, middle aged couples can also be sent to smaller communities for a few years. Imagine a young attorney who finds a prestigious clerkship in a far flung community. Or a pre-MBA businessman who finds a crucial first job in a mid-sized city. Or, even for that matter, a middle aged executive looking for a job to transition to their next phase.

Now imagine them in those communities, strengthening the daily minyan (prayer services) and the local day school. Imagine them becoming involved in the local Jewish federation, the Hillel on campus, and living at a cost significantly below New York or other large cities.

Take Key West, Florida as but one example. It is an hour or so from Miami, but has no Orthodox presence. There are of course many reasons for this, but just imagine: there is a federal district court, several health care centers, newspapers and the like.

This may have the benefit of advancing kiruv in North America. It will have other corollaries as well, each of which helps to advance kiruv. Orthodox Jews will be more open and more tolerant, and so will their non-Orthodox counterparts. They will be more fulfilled and lead happier lives with better job prospects. And most importantly, their own Jewish life will be richer, deeper and more vibrant for having forced themselves to confront an outside world, the beliefs and practices of others and communities not like their own. This will reinvigorate the large centers of Jewish life, which will then have a ripple effect on Jewish communities worldwide.

Rabbi Ari Sytner

From Conversations: Readers Respond to A Review of Kiruv

Kiruv in a Changing World: A Pro-Denominational Paradigm

The greatest success stories that any kiruv professional can celebrate are those individuals who remarkably turn their lives around and embrace the ways of shmiras hamitzvos.  However, I have always been intrigued by something far beyond the individual achievements, and that is the overarching sociological phenomenon of assimilation.  During my tenure on the pulpit in Des Moines, Iowa, as well as in Charleston, South Carolina, I have been drawn to, and fascinated by, the notion of non-observant Jews. While I passionately worked to embrace, love and inspire Jews of all backgrounds and ages, my numerous accomplishments on individual levels seem almost negligible in relation to the overall scope and challenges of assimilation. No matter how many people I can impact, my successes do not mitigate the collective hurdles we face. At the end of the day, we are still hemorrhaging unaffiliated Jews at a higher rate than we could ever attract or retain.

At great expense, comprehensive research studies have concluded that Jewish day school education, summer camping experiences and trips to Israel are the keys to prevent and reduce the rate of assimilation. However, these results have often been over-romanticized, as they tend to address the symptom and not the root of assimilation.

Imagine if our community took strategic steps toward addressing the problem – not as a reactive measure of finding and bringing bring back lost souls, but as a proactive measure, targeting the source! We could then impact assimilation on a global level by intervening at the point of disenfranchisement.

Throughout my travels, I have discovered one universal thread which weaves together nearly every non-observant Jew I have ever interacted with.  They all, at one point in time, had a Bubbie. It may have been during their childhood, or as many as four or five generations prior, but when you look back far enough, you will find that nearly every Jew comes from a committed, traditional Jewish grandmother.

This reality only magnifies the peculiarity of the phenomenon. How is it possible that in one generation there exists a matriarch, devout and observant, and yet, one or two generation later their descendants may have little to no connection with observant life?

Thus, in the quest to stave assimilation, we must search to find the “proverbial Bubbies” of our generation – those men and women who represent the embers which must be preserved and reignited. If that tipping-point demographic can be identified, their children and grandchildren may have a better chance of remaining affiliated.

Where can such a demographic be found, and how can we bolster them so that their descendants maintain a strong Jewish connection?

By venturing into the non-Orthodox streams of Judaism, one will meet countless Jews who fall into this category.  Although they may not be halachic, Conservative and Reform congregations are filled with families who have an Orthodox past but, often, an unsure Jewish future. They are the ones who long for the dream of seeing Jewish grandchildren, but stay up nights worrying that they may never see their dreams actualized. They are the ones who run to their rabbi with that famous, yet painful refrain, “rabbi, please speak to my son . . . he is dating a non-Jew.”

This group of non-Orthodox but traditional Jews represent the tipping point of where we must focus our efforts. For if we provided greater resources from our own toolboxes, perhaps many of those painful intermarriage-related conversations can be avoided.

The kiruv world is perfectly comfortable operating in a non-denominational orbit, such as the local Starbucks or on a college campus. However, when it comes to engaging the non-Orthodox community on an institutional level (the very place that houses the majority of this critical demographic), we tend to shy away from them.

On multiple occasions, I have davened in a Shul alongside pious men in black hats who later recounted that they had their Bar Mitzvah in a Conservative or Reform synagogue. It is truly inspiring to observe the contrast of these ba’alei teshuva, and to appreciate that quality of Yiddishkeit that has flourished from within a non-Orthodox institution. Had their parents not maintained membership to those congregations, the odds of them ever becoming ba’alei teshuva would have been significantly diminished. Perhaps it is time that we acknowledge that these institutions play a role in shaping the future of Klal Yisroel. The obstacle that we face, however, is reconciling the halachic implications of supporting non-Orthodox institutions. Can there be a new path which would allow us to maximize our kiruv efforts without compromising our halachic principles?

Organizations such as NJOP have embraced this practice by expanding many of their successful programs (such as Shabbat Across America and Read Hebrew America) to non-Orthodox synagogues. Now, thanks to NJOP, there are Conservative and Reform rabbis throughout the country who have a more substantive product to pass along to their constituents – and hopefully help advance them upon their Jewish journey. Though indirect, NJOP’s partnership with these congregations allows them to spread Torah and mitzvos to audiences to which the Orthodox world would not otherwise have access.

Imagine the impact that we could have on a sociological and global level if we continued to build bridges that directed our kiruv dollars and efforts to reach those leaders who pastorally, religiously and educationally direct the millions of Jews who do not affiliate as Orthodox. The plain reality is that when their institutions thrive, Jews remain more committed and affiliated. Whereas, if their doors closed, their members would not likely join Orthodox shuls, and even worse, much of the connection they previously had to Judaism would be lost.

Therefore, if we in the Orthodox world possess compelling educational materials, websites, classes, resources and programmatic initiatives that could benefit fellow members of Klal Yisroel (regardless of their affiliation), it would behoove us to share it with those who have direct access to the “proverbial Bubbies” and help strengthen the very demographic who need it most.

While we may strongly disagree with the non-Orthodox approach to halachic and hashkafic issues and have no interest in debating or comparing perspectives, the simple fact is that when their synagogues and temples are vibrant, families will be motivated to bring their children along for the journey. It will be those children raised in relevant Jewish environments that will go on to join the Hillel on their college campus, participate in Birthright missions to Israel, and ultimately be receptive to other positive Jewish experiences, such as accepting the invitation for shabbat dinner from the Chabad rabbi on campus.

Collectively, the efforts of both the kiruv professionals as well as the congregations that raise the next generation of Jews, can contribute toward them marrying Jewish and blossoming into affiliated and connected Jewish adults. By adopting a new pro-denominational approach, perhaps the successes that we have seen in the kiruv world on individual levels can spill over and impact a larger pool of the Jewish community and bring greater strength to all of Klal Yisroel.